EXCERPT 1.
They moved off the elevator and had only taken a step when Trudy’s air-raid siren voice alerted him to the presence of his grandmother’s friends.

The gazes of everyone in the vicinity swiveled to them as Trudy and Marsha gave Grams big hugs, then all four women turned to JJ. The scrutiny in their gazes was enough to unsettle him, but from the corner of his eye, he saw something move and shifted just slightly to see Kinsley pressing moss inside a planter filled with colorful blooming flowers.

“Yoohoo! Girls! If you’re looking for a great guy to date, this one is single!” Trudy shouted, then she and Marsha made exaggerated pointing motions at JJ.

The heat searing from his neck to the top of his head made him momentarily question if he might implode. The mortification he felt was indescribable, particularly with Kinsley staring at him wide-eyed, as though she wasn’t sure what to make of Trudy’s declaration. He certainly had no idea what to do with the big-mouthed old woman.

JJ closed his eyes and wished Neptune would rise from the sea, reach into the ship, and drag him under. Where was a good, solid iceberg when you needed it for a distraction?

At the very least, maybe they’d sail straight into the Bermuda Triangle. After all, this doomed adventure had felt like a trip through a nightmarish alternate universe from the moment his grandmother had announced they were taking it. Right now, with dozens of passengers laughing at him and a few women passing him scribbled notes with their room numbers, he forgot about the fun he’d had earlier in the day.

It was hard to focus on anything when he wanted to simply disappear.

JJ had never enjoyed being the center of attention. Sure, he’d played sports in high school and even participated in rodeo a few years after he graduated, but the attention wasn’t solely on him, like he’d stepped into the glaring center of a spotlight.

Grams and Shirley were madly whispering something to Trudy and Marsha, but before he could kick his brain back in gear enough to hear what they said, a hand settled on his shoulder. He looked over to see Ted, who nodded once to him. Wynn offered a commiserating look of encouragement.

Afraid to glance at Kinsley but needing to know if she had joined those laughing at him, he turned his head, and their gazes connected. She smiled and winked at him, and that one little gesture made him feel better than anything anyone else could have offered.

“Let’s get these cackling hens to the restaurant before they humiliate every male on the ship,” Ted said quietly, moving forward to stake his claim beside Grams.

 

EXCERPT 2.
“Have you done this before? A cruise, I mean?” JJ questioned as they moseyed forward a few steps.

Wynn shook his head. “Nope. Don’t want to be on one now, but what do you do when you get unwittingly signed up to be a wingman to an octogenarian?”

JJ laughed, thinking he might have at least one kindred spirit and friend on board if they ever actually got onto the ship.

Finally, they made it to the point where they were in possession of their Set Sail cards—their personalized key to the floating city.

Grams explained that the cards served as room keys, provided access to specific areas, and were used to make charges on the ship, arrange outings, and book reservations. They were also scanned at every port, both coming and going, and were necessary to board the ship.

“Don’t lose your card, Skippy,” Grams said, patting his hand as though he was back in junior high. Just because he’d lost his lunch money a few times, would she never let him forget it?

Besides, more crucial to the insult was her use of that infernal, abominable name. Why, after seventeen years of never speaking it, had she decided to dust it off and put it on repeat today?

At least Ted and Wynn didn’t seem to notice or hear her as Ted offered his grandson commentary on carrying a better style of wallet than the one he shoved into his pocket.

The meandering path along the gangway was a trial to JJ’s already flagging patience, but they reached the point where they scanned their Set Sail cards and were finally aboard the ship.

When JJ scanned his card, a loud electronic voice said, “Welcome, Skippy.”

What now?

Heat burned up his neck, searing his skin at a swift pace. He glared at his card, noticing the name printed on it. Sure enough, in black and white, he was registered as JJ “Skippy” McKade.

His grandmother wanted him dead. He was sure of it because he would die of humiliation before they ever set sail.

“Skippy?” Wynn asked in a quiet voice as Ted and Grams went ahead of them into the ship.

“My grandfather used to call me Skipper, since I was named after a ship captain. Grams always referred to me as Skippy until I begged her to stop in my grade-school years. I have no idea why she’s calling me Skippy now, or why she put it on all my information.” JJ sighed. If nothing else on this trip, he should build up his lung capacity by expelling pent-up exasperation-loaded air with regularity.

“Don’t let it get to you. At least she’s not telling everyone you’re the wingman to help pick up hot chicks. They look more like over-baked chickens,” Wynn said, then glanced at JJ. “No offense meant to your grandmother.”

“None taken,” JJ said, swiping through the information on the cruise app on his phone and realizing everything, absolutely everything, said Skippy.

Perfect. This day could not possibly get any worse.

 

EXCERPT 3.
“JJ! Move it, move it!” She smacked a hand on her thigh, like she was encouraging a misbehaving dog to obey orders. She took a menacing step toward the bed, and he had no doubt she’d yank off his covers and force him to dress if he didn’t immediately get on board with her plans.

“I’m up, Grams. Awake. Something.” A wide yawn made his jaw pop. “Will you please turn off that screeching alarm? Where did you get that thing?”

She smiled and held up her hand. “It’s a phone app Trudy’s granddaughter set up for me.”

“Good old Trudy,” JJ muttered. Of course, the helpful app would have come from one of his grandmother’s three cohorts in crime.

The four old women were fine on their own, but together they tended to create trouble. Last year, when he’d come to Eustis, they’d been intent on setting him up on a date with Trudy’s hairdresser’s cousin’s somebody or other. Thankfully, he’d left town before they could make any arrangements for a date.

JJ swung his feet out of the bed, but his eyes drifted shut.

“Get dressed in something nicer than shorts and a T-shirt,” Grams instructed, smacking him on the shoulder before she breezed out of his room and shut the door.

JJ rubbed sleep from his eyes and yawned again, pondering what she’d do if he pulled the covers back over his head and slept for another two or three hours. At home, it was the middle of the night. Perhaps she’d been in Florida so long, she’d forgotten there were other time zones. Or maybe she was getting older and having trouble remembering things. The thought of dementia clouding Grams’s sharp mind tied a knot of dread in his stomach and brought him wide awake.

He’d have to keep a close eye on her and report back to his mother if he noticed any issues.

JJ tugged on the only pair of clean jeans he’d packed in his bag and unrolled a green plaid western shirt, fastening the snaps with one hand while using the other to finger-comb his hair. In the adjoining bathroom, he splashed his face with cold water and brushed his teeth, then he moseyed into the kitchen, lured by the scent of coffee.

“Here,” Grams said, shoving a travel mug into his hand. “You can drink that on the way.”

“On the way to where?” he asked, taking a long, bracing sip of coffee so strong and black, he could feel it peeling away layers of tissue as it traveled down his throat.

“The store, JJ. Do try to keep up,” Grams said, snagging her car keys off a hook by the door that led into her garage. She gave him a look that clearly conveyed her thoughts that he was hopeless as he stumbled over the step into the garage. “I’ll drive.”

He thought about arguing, but refrained. Until the caffeine kicked in, he wasn’t sure he could find his way out to the end of the driveway.

Ten minutes later, Grams pulled into the nearly empty parking lot of a superstore that sold everything from fried chicken to pontoon boats. Hungry as he was, the fried chicken didn’t sound all that bad, even if it was a grease-soaked remnant from yesterday’s offerings.

Confused as to why they were at the store before most of the population was even awake, JJ took another long drink of coffee and then set the mug in the cupholder of the SUV.

“Why on earth are we here?” he asked as he got out of the vehicle and walked with his grandmother to the door.

“We can’t go on the boat ride until you are properly outfitted.”

“Boat ride? Outfitted?” JJ thought maybe he’d dreamed the part about Grams mentioning a boat ride last night. Did he really need new attire for a ride around the lake? Usually, they took a fishing charter cruise around the lake at some point during his visit. Cargo shorts, a T-shirt, and an old pair of sneakers would work just fine for that. “What are you talking about, Grams?”

“I told you I booked a boat ride, JJ. Aren’t you listening?” Grams asked as though he were five and incapable of paying attention.

He watched as his grandmother snagged a shopping cart from the row of them outside the door, set her purse inside, and grabbed his arm in one seemingly smooth motion as she marched inside the store.

“What kind of boat ride requires getting up this early in the morning to come shopping here, of all places, so I can be properly outfitted? Last I checked, you and Mom would both develop acute hives if you had to purchase your wardrobe here.”

Grams smiled at the greeter standing near the door and made a beeline for the men’s clothing. JJ hoped he could still move with as much agility as his grandmother had when he was her age. Then again, she attended a yoga class three times a week and took pride in walking at least a mile every day.

“It means, JJ, that we are boarding a cruise ship at half past ten this morning and setting sail for the Caribbean. You need clothes for an eleven-day trip. From the pathetic contents of your duffel bag, you’ll be forced to wash your undies in the bathroom sink every other day. You should have listened when your mother suggested you pack a suitcase with plenty of clothes, baby. Now, stop dawdling and get to shopping.”

 

EXCERPT 4.
The next thing he knew, he heard Grams carrying on quite a conversation about his love life, or lack thereof.

Sheesh. Couldn’t the woman let his single status rest for an entire day without mentioning it?

Besides, it wasn’t like he had a lot of dating prospects lining up at the gate to the ranch. 

“Did you see any likely contenders?” Marsha asked. The only reason he knew she was the one doing the speaking was because she’d been raised in Boston and spoke with a different accent than the others.

“Not yet, but I’m hopeful. Originally, I planned this trip as a fun way to celebrate my birthday with JJ, but the more I researched cruises leading to romance, the more I hoped the trip would help him meet someone special,” Grams said, sounding … sad.

The particular subject of his getting married and having kids to carry on family legacies had been a much-belabored topic last year when he’d visited Grams. He thought he’d convinced her to let it rest—that love would find him when the time was right—but he’d obviously been mistaken that she’d taken his words to heart.

Cautiously, JJ cracked open an eye and saw the four women occupying two of the lounges, facing each other with notepads and pens in hand as though they were in a boardroom about to make a major executive decision.

He would have groaned in misery if it wouldn’t have given away the fact that he was listening to a conversation that made him increasingly uncomfortable.

Feigning a soft snore, he hoped to find out what covert plans they were making so he could figure out a way to thwart them.

“With the four of us dogging his every step, it shouldn’t be any trouble at all for him to find a girl,” Trudy said, recognizable by her relentlessly sarcastic tone. 

“Let’s encourage him to spend time with Wynn. Together, they might make their way to where single young women are gathering,” Shirley said, ever the diplomatic member of the group.

The discussion continued for a few minutes, with ideas of places he could meet women who weren’t alcoholics and devoid of all morals while still having fun.

“It’s such a shame Skippy isn’t more attractive. A homely little thing like him with his frail frame and pale skin and lack of intelligence really can’t expect much,” Trudy said in a snarky tone.

JJ couldn’t help but wince, and all four women burst into laughter. Sheepishly, he opened his eyes, and his grandmother reached back, swatting him with her beach hat.

“How long were you awake?” Grams asked.

JJ sat up and eyed the meddling menaces before he rose to his feet. “Long enough to know I’m not taking any of your suggestions when it comes to after-dinner activities this evening. When I’m ready to get married, I will, Grams. Don’t push it. Just enjoy your trip and stop worrying about my love life.”